


I walk my path alone

by smlash



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Gen, John Constantine angst, John Constantine-Centric, Post-Season 4, Pre-Season 5, Season 4 Finale Spoilers, he doesn't like getting close to people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 20:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19410859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smlash/pseuds/smlash
Summary: Constantine never meant to stay this long with them. He should leave them behind before he has the chance to ruin their lives more than he already has.





	I walk my path alone

John was done with his life. Why are the Legends always like this. They're never serious about themselves. He regrets joining their team and wishes he could go solo again. He never knew what to expect from them. They always surprised them.

  


They invited him back into their team, despite the fact that he got Nate killed.

  


“You're one of us now,” Sara told him. “We're a team, and a family, we'll never abandon one of our own.”

  


John doesn't accept being included in the same category as them. He never signed up for being a part of a team. He can't be a member in their shenanigans. Everything he touches will eventually get damaged and ripped to shreds.

  


John damned his own soul to Hell, and he bloody well deserved it. He's caused so much suffering, ruined the lives of those who were closest to him. Astra. Chas. Gary. Zed.  _ Desmond. _

  


He's overcome with guilt over his actions. John Constantine is a man that would allow the death of a friend, a lover , or family, just to save the world. He may search for other options, but he eventually gives up if he can't find a way.

  


Sometimes John would say that people that were insistent on saving someone when there was no other way out of the problem were annoying, but he actually really admires people with that characteristic. He hopes that spending time with the Legends would help him get into that mindset.

  


After Nate was revived through the magic of love from strangers and friends alike, the Legends carry on as if none of John's ill deeds happened. Ray never mentions how Constantine chose Astra over saving Ray's own soul. Mick starts to tolerate Constantine more (he still finds the weasel annoying).

  


Each member from the Legends are slowly integrating him into their circus of weirdness. They accepted him for who he is. All of his flaws are acknowledged, and they have seen past them. They want to get to know the real  _ him _ , the one behind his mysterious Master of the Dark Arts persona.

  


They seem to care about him. Not for who they think he should become and how he should act, but who they know he is. And it scares him to admit it, but he's actually starting to care about all of them as well.

  


He hates this. This love he feels for these people. John wants to forget about them. He wants them to ignore his existence in this world.

  


John will screw up their lives more than they already have been screwed. He needs to escape from them and get uninvolved.

  


He needs an out.

  


* * *

  


“Now that we've solved the whole Neron situation, I better be heading off.”

  


The team stares at Constantine in confusion as if they can't believe he's considering leaving them. What did they expect? That he would join this group of misfits permanently? He is, after all, John “I walk my path alone” Constantine. This was always going to end eventually.

  


After the shock from the Legends, they immediately start to bombard him with protests.

  


“You can't leave now!”

  


“You're one of us, Constantine! You're an official member of us misfits!”

  


“What are you saying, weasel!”

  


“John, please don't.”

  


Constantine doesn't change his mind. He's already set to leave behind these folks, glad that he made good memories with them. Memories that would get tainted and looked back on with bitterness if he stays.

  


“I'm sure you'll do well without me,” Constantine replies. “You've been handling this time travelling business before I arrived. Besides, dealing with evil magical threats and exorcisms are more of my thing. Now that creatures are no longer running wild in the timestream, I'm no longer needed.”

  


John begins to make his way off the waverider. He walks out of the room and pulls a cigarette out of his pocket and lights it.

  


Once he's in the hallways of the Legends’ time ship, Gideon begins to speak to him. “No smoking allowed on the ship.”

  
  


“Sorry love,” Constantine says, not feeling any remorse at all. “This may as well be my last time here, so you won't have to worry about me smoking a fag in here again.”

  


She doesn't respond at first, and John didn't expect the A.I. to anyways. He continues his journey out, staring at the each room he passes. He'll miss this place. He felt like, if he did stay, he may be able to call it a home.

  


“I advise that you stay, Mr. Constantine. The Legends would be very pleased with your presence.” Gideon suggests.

  


John scoffs. “I'm sure that'll change. If I stay any longer, they'll regret that they didn't cut all ties with me when they had the chance.”

  


“The Legends appear to disagree with your statements.”

  


He doesn't say anything else. He doesn't know how he should respond. The fact that they care about him warms his heart. Love and light is always present among the Legends, when most of Constantine's life is full of regret and darkness.

  


They were changing him in ways that he never thought they could.

  


Of course, they wouldn't allow him to leave so easily. Sara, Nate, Ray, Mick, Charlie, and Behrad corner him before he's had the chance to exit. He has no idea how they got there before him, when he's been making his way out before them. But it's the Legends, they always have some trick up their sleeves.

  


“Really funny, mates. Now, if you don't mind letting me through. I need to get off this ship. You know, demons to send back to their merry way to Hell and all.” Constantine tries to step-side the group, but is only blocked.

  


“We're not letting you leave, Constantine.” Ray is the first to say. He voice remains firm with this statement. “You're staying with us.”

  


“Yeah bro, I may have died, but it was of my own free will,” Nate adds. “Besides, if it weren't for you, I may not even be back. You were the one that suggested that everyone singed me back to life.”

  


“You may have been a jerk when we first met,” Charlie says, “but after getting to know you, I see that underneath all that arrogance and that trenchcoat of yours, you're a nice bloke.”

  


“She's right, weasel.” Mick agrees, which surprises everyone. “I still don't like you though.”

  


“You helped us through many of our problems. I don't even know if we would be gone past that unicorn if it weren't for you.” Behrad says.

  


Sara places a hand on his shoulder. They share a look of understanding between the two of them. “I know that you rather be alone. I've been there too. But you'll realize eventually, that you can't always carry all of your burdens alone. Sometimes it's nice to have someone you can trust and rely on.”

  


If anyone understood how he felt, it would probably be her. Sara has gone through many hardships in her life. She lost her soul and became a bloodthirsty assassin, and she got possessed by a demon and almost killed her friends. But Sara always looks for an opportunity to redeem herself. She tries to fix herself and save people from having to experience the same that she has.

  


“But I also understand if you want to leave. I'm not forcing you to stay. You're always welcomed back anyways, so if you go, you'll still be a Legend.” Sara says.

  


He doesn't want to leave now. Even with these protests against his decision, John won't change his mind.

  


“I'm sorry. I don't think I should stay with this team anymore. I'm long overdue the time I thought I would stay.”

  


They share their goodbyes. John thinks that he may see them again, but they'll never be as close as they are now. He still has a box full of secrets that they'll never open, but he was more open about his life to them than anyone else he knows.

  


Ray and Nate tear up a bit, and they both hug him. Which Constantine hates. Mick is strangely nice with his goodbye. Charlie treats him the same as she always does, as if she expects him to not be gone for long. Sara's farewell resonates with him the most. They met each other before the Legends were formed, and he's seen her when she was without a soul. She tells him that even with all the bad that's happened when he was around, more good was brought in as a result of his addition.

  


John still feels like Behrad is taking the place of someone else on the team, but he already did tests on him earlier, and it doesn't seem to be anything he should worry about.

  


Constantine and the Legends part ways after they all gave their farewells. He leaves the waverider, and he leaves them behind. Now they're just people in his past, there's no looking back.

  


* * *

  


John has been solo for a few months now. The Legends and him haven't been in contact for that whole time period. It's not like they could contact him if they wanted to, he doesn't have a phone they could contact him with.

  


He still sees Gary at times. Gary Green, not Gary Lester, his dead friend. John wanted to leave Gary behind as well, but he couldn't. He was too selfish to completely leave Gary again. He couldn't break another person's heart again.

  


When John came to visit Gary, he was surprised by the look of fear on the man's face.

  


“John! People like Hitler and Stalin are popping up again!” Gary exclaims. “We think they came from hell, the Legends need your help!”

  


John Constantine didn't know why he tried to leave the Legends. Ever since he first met them, he always seemed to be dragged back into their antics.

**Author's Note:**

> John Constantine is one of my favorite DC comics hero, and if Matt Ryan doesn't return as Constantine in season 5 of Legends of Tomorrow, I'll cry.


End file.
